


Vignettes

by The Cheez (Aelphaba)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Daydreaming, F/M, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Behavior, Inappropriate Humor, Mocking, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-22
Updated: 2009-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2590889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelphaba/pseuds/The%20Cheez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An assortment of humorous drabbles based on the prompt, "If I'm going to die, I want you to kiss me." Assorted pairings and non-pairings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Oh, get a room, would you?"

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for SMASH! Fanfiction Contest (2009)

Late one evening, in an inn near the border of the Land of Fire and the Land of Rain, Hoshigaki Kisame is writing a mission report while his partner, Uchiha Itachi, rests on the bed on the opposite side of the room. They would have returned to Amegakure by now, had Itachi not needed to rest – the strain of using both Tsukiyomi and Amaterasu in succession in a short period of time was too great. Their failure to capture the host of the Nine Tailed Demon Fox had been disappointing, but running had been their only option. Battling a Sannin unnecessarily was never a wise move, especially when low on chakra. When Kisame reached the part in the report that covered Sasuke's interruption, a though suddenly occurred to him. He glanced over at his partner, who was staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Hey Itachi."

Itachi rolls over onto his side when he hears his partner's voice. His vision swims, and he closes his eyes. His vision without his Sharingan had been slowly deteriorating since acquiring the Mangekyo Sharingan, and now he was nearly blind. So, under normal circumstances, he would rarely deactivate it. But this was not normal circumstances. He opens his eyes again, and stares blandly at his partner.

"What is it Kisame?"

"You never did tell me the details of what happened during the Uchiha massacre. What happened when you came to kill your parents?"

"Well…" Itachi closes his eyes again, and begins to remember.

\---

_"So, it's true, then. You've come to betray us." Fugaku frowned as he stared up at the bloodstained katana being held by his eldest son. "What is the meaning of this? You were meant to become the greatest of the Uchiha – not the means of our destruction."_

_"I am the greatest of the Uchiha, and you are a fool for not realising that, father." Itachi stated without emotion. "I have acquired what you will never have. And now, I am here to kill you. Just like the others."_

_"You've acquired the Mangekyo Sharingan, haven't you?" A proud look appeared on Fugaku's face. "That's my..."_

_"Oh, shut up, you fool."_

_Fugaku fell silent at his son's tone. Mikoto trembled, her eyes flickering fearfully between her son and her husband. Determined to stay strong, she sought out her husband's hand. "Fugaku, if we're going to die, then I want you to kiss me."_

_Fugaku's eyes immediately softened. "Of course, my dear."_

_As they leaned in to kiss, Itachi interrupted them, a look of absolute horror and disgust covering his face and their display. "Get a room, you two."_

_And he quickly slit their throats._

\---

"That would make a great addition to Tsukiyomi." Itachi muttered, "Imagine how Sasuke would react to seeing that over and over again for 72 hours…"

Itachi chuckled softly. Having not said a word of his internal musings, Kisame was baffled. Only one thought occurred to him – perhaps the stories of insanity being inherited along with the Sharingan were true.


	2. Hair-Raising Antics

Tenten was truly startled. For the first time in the years they had known each other, Neji actually looked panicked. He was frantically running his fingers through his usually perfect hair, inspecting every strand for… something. Whatever it was, Tenten couldn't figure it out. The frightened look in his eye intensified as he latched onto a certain hair, dropping all the others. Tenten looked at it briefly, trying to ascertain what was wrong with it, when Neji finally spoke.

"Tenten, I think my life is ending."

Tenten blinked, totally confused by Neji's statement. She searched his face for any traces of sarcasm, and when she found none, she looked at the hair again. Her eyes widened, and she struggled to suppress her laughter, as Neji looked at her solemnly and said,

"Well, if I'm going to die, then I want you to kiss me."

At that, she couldn't hold it in any longer. Tenten burst into peals of laughter.

" _One_ split end isn't going to kill you, Neji." She giggled as she fought to maintain a straight face. "Lee has hundreds of them and he's still alive."

Lee, who had been standing nearby and watching the whole affair in silence, nodded serenely – until he realized what Tenten had said.

"Hey!"


	3. Mission Gone Wrong

Kiba smirked as he spoke to Naruto. "…And then I want you to turn to Hinata and say this…" He handed Naruto a scrap of paper.

Naruto stared at the paper, completely baffled, "Why would you want me to say that? And you know that Hinata always gets sick when she's around me."

Kiba hit Naruto on the back reassuringly. "Don't worry about that Naruto, she'll be fine. Hey, here she comes." Kiba deliberately raised his voice loud enough for Hinata to hear him. "So I hear that you're about to go on a really dangerous mission, Naruto."

Naruto looked confused. "Huh? What mission? What are you talking about Kiba?"

Kiba glared at him and elbowed Naruto in the ribs. Hard.

Naruto glared back for a moment before his face brightened up and he snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah! Baa-chan finally caved and gave me a decent mission. She's sending me to the Sound Village as a spy."

Kiba exaggerated his voice dramatically as he asked, "Isn't that really risky? What if you get caught? Won't you be killed?"

Naruto put his hands on his hip and boasted confidently, "I won't get caught."

Kiba scoffed. "It sounds like a suicide mission to me."

Naruto turned to Hinata and looked her straight in the eye. He opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, and then promptly looked down at the paper in his hand. "Well, if I'm going to die, then I want you to kiss me."

Hinata stared at him with huge eyes. "N-N-N-N-Naruto-kun…" she stammered, before turning fire-engine red and fainting. Naruto panicked uselessly as Kiba began howling with laughter.

"Hinata? What's wrong Hinata? HINATA!" Naruto squawked.


	4. A Dream To Die For

Sasuke lay dying on the battlefield as Sakura struggled to pump healing chakra into his wounds. The countryside was a mess – trees were scorched from Sasuke's fireball attacks and large amounts of land were displaced due to Sakura's land-breaking punches and their enemy's earth style techniques. The man had been a missing-nin from Iwagakure who used earth in a similar manner to the Godaime Kazekage's sand – dragging the earth from beneath their feet, only to wrap it around them and crush them.

Sasuke looked at the struggling girl above him. "There's no point, Sakura," he informed her tonelessly.

Sakura refused to accept his words. "Don't talk like that Sasuke-kun. I won't let you die on me."

Sasuke continued, "It's too late. There's nothing you can to. The damage is too extensive. I saw how hard you were fighting – it's obvious that you're nearly out of chakra."

Sakura took his words as a challenge, determined to keep her love alive. "I can keep going…" However, as soon as those words left her mouth, Murphy's Law kicked into effect and the green glow of her chakra promptly fizzled and died out.

Sasuke stared up at her. "Well, if I'm going to die, then I want you to kiss me."

Sakura nearly fainted, and not from chakra exhaustion either. "Really?"

Sasuke smiled and said, "Of course, Sakura. I have always loved you after all."

Sakura's heart melted. "Oh, Sasuke-kun…" She leaned forward to kiss him…

Sasuke spoke her name. "Sakura."

His voice sounded a little strange – older, deeper and bizarrely familiar – but Sakura didn't pay any heed to it.

Sakura responded dreamily, "Yes, Sasuke-kun?" Her lips were all puckered for the kiss of a lifetime when…

_Sasuke vanished and Kakashi appeared in his place, looking at her with his visible eye curved up happily. "Sakura, you're daydreaming again."_


End file.
